Finders Keepers

Inspirational Ink: Insight for a Woman’s Life

by Tammi Ector Fisse

I must confess. Coming up with a topic for this month’s column was a struggle. When I emailed IWM’s publisher and asked what February’s theme was, I dreaded her answer. Sure enough, “I’m thinking love,” she replied. “Since many people celebrate Valentines.” Oh, no, I thought. I stink at love.

My romantic history is evidence of this. Sharing it is wearing my heart on my sleeve, but I feel compelled to do so because so many cope with love lost during this holiday. Also, as I was debating whether or not to tackle this topic, I read Karen Kingsbury’s novel, Shades of Blue, which deals with this very issue. Talk about tear-jerking confirmation.

I feel the Spirit’s leading in writing this piece but would still like to offer a disclaimer: Some of this is depressing. But it does get better, so please bear with me.

Okay, deep breath… Here it goes.

Lost: High School Sweetheart

Shades of Blue made me nostalgic about old loves. Growing up in an abusive home, my relationship with my high school sweetheart took on a much more significant role than it should have for a believer. I could say a lot about him, but this line from the novel echoes what I’ve held in my heart for the last two decades: “You were my best friend and my brother and my boyfriend. You were everything.” I’ve always adored hearts, so when we were eighteen, he gave me an entwined heart ring to symbolize the fact that we’d stay together. And we did for three years. Then I lost him to a girl who wasn’t committed to purity.

Looking back, I know I wasn’t meant to marry him, but you couldn’t tell me that then. Believe me, I wept over that loss. Not only did I keep that heart ring until I was in my thirties, I lugged around the emotional baggage from having my heart broken and bounced from disastrous rebound to rebound. The whole experience makes me question the wisdom of Americanized dating.

Lost: Hopeful Heart

After having my heart broken, I wish I could say that I never broke someone else’s. Unfortunately, I can’t. He was a man after God’s own heart and it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done to another human being.

In retrospect, I’m pretty certain he was God’s perfect will for me. I probably should have married him. Linore Burkhard’s novel, The Country House Courtship describes why I didn’t. “Whenever there is to be a move of God in a life, does not the evil one try and fill the place for it with a lesser substitute? He tries to get our eyes to see something other than what is best for us, as though it must be best; when in fact it is but a mere shadow of the far better thing the Lord has in mind for us.” That sweet guy was the “one that got away” because I threw him away. He was the good thing God had for me. The one I actually married was the shallow substitute.

Over the years my husband gave me many reasons to weep, but the fact that I crushed the hopes and dreams of someone who probably never would have hurt me in order to be with him used to be a source of regret, shame, sorrow and weeping. Now whenever Satan attempts to resurrect what I did, the Lord whispers, That was buried in the sea of forgetfulness.

Satan wants us to focus on our failures; God on His forgiveness.

Lost: Husband’s Heart

My abusive marriage and consequent divorce is something I write about frequently. I wish these issues weren’t prevalent in the Christian realm, but since they are, they’re relevant. At a time when couples celebrate romantic love, those who have been devastated by its loss need to be ministered to.

I was seriously dating the godly man above but literally dumped him when my ex-husband expressed renewed interest in me. Ignoring the godly input of others, the checks in my own spirit and the blatant red flags concerning him, I married him because that’s what I wanted. Love wasn’t blind; it was selective. Then for years I did everything God’s word prescribes to hold onto my husband. Now I realize he was merely God’s permissive will for me. Hindsight can be 20/20.

As he turned his heart from the Lord, why did I think I could keep it? Leaving the movie Fireproof, I remember thinking, “But what about those whose partners do leave them behind?” That question is one of the main reasons I write: “To share in the comfort wherewith I am comforted.”

Broken hearts hurt, but praise God there is healing and hope in the Lord!

Found: Heart on a Hill

My youngest two were babies when their dad filed for divorce. Some may not agree with it, but I knew we would never reconcile, nor should we, so I immediately began to pray for a godly husband and father for my children. And God answered my prayer – almost immediately. There isn’t time or space to tell our story here, but if you want to read it, just turn to the book of Ruth. He’s my Kinsman Redeemer. My best friend, my brother, my boyfriend. I believe Greg is God’s providential will for me.

Though I stepped out of God’s perfect will and took some detours, in His sovereign mercy and grace, He still led me to the good thing He had waiting for me all along. The funny thing is, Greg is so much like “the one that got away”! I won’t make the same mistake twice and am holding on to this one!

See, it got better. But my Boaz isn’t the best part of what I’ve found.

During my Shades of Blue trip down Memory Lane, I recalled the music I listened to back then. These lyrics from the Winans jump started this bittersweet writing journey:

In this life there are

Finders, keepers

Losers, weepers

But I’ve found the Lord

So I’ll never weep

The love He gives

I’ll always keep

For He won’t ever go away

Yes, I’ve done my share of losing and weeping. But I’ve found the Lord! As a teenager I knew him as my Knight in Shining Armor – Someone to rescue me. As a woman I’ve found Him to be my Prince Charming – Someone to love me with an everlasting love. He’s promised never to leave me or forsake me. So I’ll never really lose or weep again.

In our culture, it’s easy to get caught up in what the world defines as a love story, but the greatest love story ever written was in the red of Christ’s spilled blood on Calvary’s hill.

Blessed are the Finder’s Keepers.