Training Day

by Tanisha Y. Armstrong

My journey from Miss Independent to Mrs. Submitted is ongoing. When I went off to college my parents were more than twelve hours away so my father taught me some basics – how to check my oil, how to fix a leaky pipe, and how to call for professional help when I needed it. By then, my mother had taught me how to keep a clean house, feed myself and pay my bills on time. They did a good job of preparing me to live independently.

I attended college on a full academic scholarship, graduated and went on to develop an impressive resume. Modern trends indicate that like me, many young women will have careers before they have a husband. They will live on their own, manage their finances, and make a variety of decisions independently. Many of these young women will eventually become wives.

As a mother of five children, three of them girls, and a woman who had little concept of true biblical submission prior to my marriage this is a subject I face daily. Our oldest daughter will soon be a teenager and as we walk her journey from dating to adulthood, I am pressed to instill an understanding of the God-honoring beauty of true biblical submission.

The topic of submission is uniquely polarizing in the Christian community. Many see it as the excuse used to subject married women to a life of subservience and sometimes abuse. The terms associated with this conversation almost always include “Jezebel” or convey the message that somehow it requires a woman to be a doormat for the man she loves.

In my life, I admit that after getting married quite a bit of my time was spent trying to manipulate the system and maintain my autonomy. It was difficult for me to relinquish my role as the sole decision maker.

My husband and I did not agree on how to manage a number of things in our household. I struggled to embrace God’s order and instead argued with Him and my husband about what I felt was unfair. Though I loved him, I desperately wanted my husband to understand that he was not the sole genius in our marriage. Luckily, within a year after I was married, I was invited to a women’s conference whose theme was the “Proverbs 31 Woman”.

Every workshop explored a different characteristic of this mighty woman. There I had an experience that began my journey to embracing submission according to God’s design. Now, I depend on Proverbs 31:10-31 to help me teach our daughters the type of women God desires them to be. I have learned that there is such beauty in God’s plan for this area of a woman’s life. The lessons and application for instruction in Proverbs 31 are clear if we seek to understand the characteristics of this powerful example.

God Fearing

She is charming and beautiful and she is a woman who “fears the Lord”. Our daughter’s must be instructed regarding the importance of seeking God in every aspect of their lives. Staying connected to God through prayer allows us to speak honestly to God and hear his desires for us. Every answer to prayer will not be the desired one but God honors and appreciates our reverence. Our will must be submitted to His perfect will. If a young woman does not first submit to God then submission to her future husband will be virtually impossible. The example of headship in a marriage relationship begins here.

Strong Character

She is an asset “all the days of her life.” Unfortunately, out of control behavior is accepted far too much in our society. No matter the circumstances a young woman should conduct herself in a manner that represents God. She should not be known for manipulative emotional breakdowns or temper tantrums. Tell your daughter to always strive to be the rose among the thorns even if she may be vilified for conducting herself modestly and with dignity. A young woman must strive to have a character that will not bring shame to God, herself, or her future husband.

Wise Counselor

She “speaks with wisdom” and gives faithful instruction. The tongue is a powerful weapon that can be used to build or destroy. Training the tongue to speak life-giving words in such a negative world is crucial. A wise woman uses her mouth to build up everything and everyone around her. To accomplish this she must have command over her mouth. She must be able to share wisdom and give instruction according to the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit. Friends and others who seek her counsel should be able to trust her advice. Many marriages are destroyed through the power of negative words.

Proverbs 31:10 begins with the question, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” The value of this woman is established before the mention of her husband in the next verse. Therefore, every married and unmarried woman should seek to emulate her character. As mothers, when we teach our daughters to follow the example of the “Proverbs 31 Woman” we can be assured that God will provide her the wisdom, strength, and peace required to make her a submitted woman of virtue.