A Marriage Crisis: Out the Valley into True Victory!

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:12-14

In order for you to truly grasp the victory God has given me, I must take you through my journey of pain, suffering and complete bondage. So please travel back with me to 1998. I was a young twenty year old “woman” who had merely accomplished one year of college when I met a young man swept me off my feet. A year and a half later, we exchanged wedding vows in front of friends and family. Shortly after, our first daughter Vanessa was born. We lived many years as most couples do with small issues here and there but nothing too dramatic. Although, I had given my life to Christ at a very young age, I was not living a life surrendered to Him. I would attend church now and then, but I was not bearing much fruit. There are times we run to God when we need Him and that’s the kind of life I was living.

Finally, at one of our church services, I had an encounter with God. From that moment, I became so hungry for God. I became consumed by Him. I believe he was getting me ready for one of the biggest valleys I would ever go through in my entire life. I was about to enter the valley of the shadow of death that Psalms 23 talks about.

In 1992, hurricane Andrew completely destroyed our home while our family was in the house. Needless to say, a very scary and trying time in all of our lives. Between 1995 and 1996 my life seemed to be going in the right direction. We opened our own family business and instantly, the work started coming in, as if we had been in the business for years. The business was going so well that my husband began to work fifteen hour days, six days a week. This started taking a toll on our marriage and family life.

Unbeknownst to me, in order for my husband to keep working those long hours and cope with the stressful environment; he began to consume drugs and drink heavily. Matters only became worse when his father died of cancer in 1997. My husband was drifting into a life of dependency on drugs and alcohol and of course to top it off, into the arms of another woman. I was drifting into a life of holy living as best as I “humanly” could.

The flourishing business we once had was now gone. There were many times in which days would pass by and I had no idea where my husband was. I would stay awake all night praying and hoping he would come home. Often, I believed he was in the arms of another woman or worse, dead on the side of the road.

I was taking care of two children, one less than a year old and a ten year old. I barely slept when he was gone and when he did come home he was always drunk and he kept me up anyways. I would leave to work in the morning and pretend everything was okay. I would go back home and deal with the same thing all over again.

Prayer was a constant part of my life; it’s the only thing that kept me going. I never gave up, no matter how horrible things seemed to be; I sought refuge in God and I truly believed a change was about to happen.

After some time, things appeared to be getting a little better. On my youngest daughter’s birthday in 2004, I went to “Night of Joy”, a Christian concert in Orlando, Florida and when I returned, my husband was gone. He had packed his things and left. I was a bit shocked and hurt because things had gotten better but at the same time, I felt a sense of relief.

During the next two years, God would teach me things I thought I didn’t need to learn. He made me look into the mirror and see what needed to changed in me. I thought my husband was the only one that had issues and that I was this great Christian. It took a while, until one day it hit me. All the mistakes I made as a woman, wife and mother, slapped me right in the face.

God was doing something amazing in me and while this was going on, He was also doing something in my husband. Amazingly, God was knocking on the door of his heart. One of the breaking points: a letter my five year old daughter had written. The letter expressed her love for God and how amazing He is. This touched my husband so much. He thought to himself, “How can such a little girl understand God’s love and here I am in my late 30’s and I have no idea of who this God is?” Well, the search began and he surrendered his life to Christ and so, the transformation began.

Little by little I saw the change in him and so did everyone else around him. What I’m about to tell you next might shock you a bit. It shocked me for a moment. After two years of my husband’s transformation and mine as well, he asked me if he could talk to me. I said, “Okay, no problem.” So I went over to his house. He began to tell me that he was very sorry for everything he had done. He poured his heart and told me what a wonderful woman God had given him.

I saw a once stubborn, selfish, rude, prideful drug addict turn into this amazing, humble, loving and compassionate man of God. He went on to tell me that he loved me and needed me back in his life. At that point, I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.

I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that I was sorry, but I no longer loved him. I realized at that moment that my heart had completely released him and the worst thing of all, I didn’t want to work things out. I had set my mind that a divorce was the only choice. I was convinced that this was God’s will because after all, he had cheated on me and completely mistreated me. This chapter in my life was now over…I was done.

He began to pray that my heart would return to him and that he could have his family back. And I refused to listen to what God began to speak to me about. Until one day, as I was spending time with God, He reminded me of a vision He had given me when I first got married. The vision was of me and my husband preaching together and helping married couples overcome their struggles in marriage.

So, I put God to the challenge. I told him (as if I was in charge) that I would surrender my will to do His will, and give him a chance because he’s telling me to but that I didn’t like it one bit.

And again, God was faithful. I saw myself once again in the honeymoon stage of a marriage. One single decision to choose what God wanted and not what I wanted was the bridge to a completely restored marriage. That year we celebrated our 20th year wedding anniversary and renewed our wedding vows.

My prayer is that my story encourages and strengthens all of you to fight hard for your marriage and never give up, for the reward is great.

Luisa Goizueta has a passion to help bring healing and restoration to marriages. Her life experiences and search for knowledge and request for wisdom, gives her a biblical understanding of God’s heart in the marriage relationship. Luisa is a wife and mother of two, ages 20 and 11. She resides in Miami and is a member of Alpha & Omega church, where she serves in the youth, women and marriage ministries and teaches at A&O Bible Institute. Her passion is to serve God with all her heart and to share with others the greatness of God. If you would like her to speak at your next event, please contact her at lgoizueta@hotmail.com.