A Woman After God’s Own Heart
Advice For Wives
By Pat Clardy
Q: How Do You Become A Woman After God’s Own Heart?
About 10-15 years into my marriage, REALITY REALLY HIT ME. My marriage was ok, it wasn’t the best, it wasn’t the worst, but it needed a lot of improvement, and I knew it wasn’t really the way God wanted it to be. So, with His help and His strength, God and I (NOT Marvin) started on this journey. And God, with his sense of humor led me to a scripture that He knew would make my skin crawl, and knew that I had trouble saying it, much less doing it.
It’s in Ephe. 5: 22-24, and it says, 22Wives, submit (that awful word) to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. So, after I recovered from hyper-ventilating, God and I had a conversation that sounded something like this…(and we still have those conversations today.)
Well, after venting my frustrations with this scripture for months and months, I finally simmered down. And with God’s help, and the desire & willingness to want a Godly marriage, I was able to read that scripture without my skin crawling. Then God was able to reveal something to my heart that completely changed my life and my outlook toward my marriage. So, as I read the scripture again…God told me to replace the word wives and husband…with my name and Marvin’s name, and to replace the word submit with the word “serve.” So I did, and it sounds like this….(Pat), (serve) Marvin as (unto) or for the Lord…then the Lord gently said…because Pat…serving Marvin has nothing to do with Him acting like the head, talking like the head, behaving like the head, or even respecting him as the head. But serving Marvin has more to do with your willingness to obey and serve me…not for Marvin. Therefore, it’s all about you doing your part…no matter if he does his part or not…because you’re doing it for me.
Now that was the understanding God gave me for verse 22. The understanding God gave me for verse 23 is what really changed my life and my marriage. He had me read it like this…For Marvin is the head of Pat, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, —then God spoke gently and said, but Pat is the “heart of the home.” Marvin is the head and that’s his place, his role, and his position, but you’re the heart and that’s your place, your role, and your position. And both roles are equally important. Which is why…according to my plan for a godly and successful marriage you can’t have two heads. If you Pat (the wife) will get into your place, and encourage Marvin with your willing, and loving servant’s heart…to get into his place…with my help…God said, the three of us can make a house a godly home of my unconditional love.
Because…as this little poem says…
A marriage that follows God’s plan…
Takes more than a woman and a man…
It takes a uniqueness that can be only from Christ…
Because a marriage takes three.
Repent… Repent…
Well after God told me that you can’t have two heads in a marriage…I repented for being so hard headed and rebellious, and then God with His sense of humor reminded me again…“Do you remember how you complained earlier about how Marvin didn’t act like the head? Well guess what…you haven’t been acting much like the “heart of the home” either. In fact, you have a severely diseased heart, because you’re suffering from congestive heart failure.
In other words, your diseased heart is not able to pump my life-giving, and life-changing unconditional love efficiently, because it’s cold, stiff, hard, and all clogged up from nagging, from giving him the silent treatment, from complaining, faultfinding, fussing, and focusing on everything that Marvin is doing wrong…instead of what he’s doing right. And what you don’t realize or understand…is that your criticism of him, your fussing at him…and your withholding from him what he enjoys the most…which is sexual intimacy…is the very thing that withers and shrinks his confidence, and causes him to question and doubt himself.
Heart of the Home – Part II
Pat Clardy resides in Hazelwood, Missouri with her husband, Marvin of 30 years and two children Tana and Derek. She’s a member of Grace Church-St. Louis in Maryland Heights, Missouri. She serves God faithfully as a Division Leader and a Community Group Leader of 80 women. Her deepest desire is that God would completely possess her heart and make it His home